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TTC after vasectomy

Tania_85's Photo Tania_85 28 May 2019

Hi all just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation we currently have 2 kids one dd who is 3 and ds who is 7 we were in a not good situation and our living arrangements just wouldn’t have suited to have a 3rd baby so my husband has a vasectomy moving forward 12 months we have now bought our dream house and things are good and now all I can think about is my dream for baby number 3 only issue is husband doesn’t want to go through the reversal and now I’m not sure where to go from here
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Holidayromp's Photo Holidayromp 30 May 2019

Does your husband want another baby? Him not wanting the reversal is very telling.
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Jenflea's Photo Jenflea 30 May 2019

You can have a baby without him having a reversal but it's expensive and requires IVF which is not something I'd choose to do if I could avoid it.

As HR says, it doesn't sound like he wants another baby to me and you can't force him to A want one and B go through the procedure to extract the sperm to make one.
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Caribou's Photo Caribou 30 May 2019

I think, your longing for a 3rd is because everything is very settled and ‘good’ at the moment. Adding a 3rd isn’t going to necessarily be good. It’s just you’re in a good place at the moment and it ‘feels’ right. I’d love a third, we’re in a good place too, but long term it’s asking my DH to work for longer, give up aspects of our lifestyle (though I was willing, he wasn’t really) and though we could afford a 3rd, it still, changed a lot of tiny little things which add up. Unless he’s on board, it’s basically a no. As time goes on, the longing will lessen. Make plans for what you have now with 2 kids and a DH, you don’t necessarily want to add more relationship stress in either. If you feel that strongly about it I would suggest counselling to work through those feelings so it doesn’t end with resentment.
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blueskies12's Photo blueskies12 30 May 2019

Tania_85, has the the 3rd baby dream just come back suddenly? Is it because your second is 3? Or because you are in a good place financially?

I also think a third would be lovely. Although, I also see the practical side to staying with 2. My husband also would rather 2...It is hard to accept. It is mostly hard to accept saying goodbye to the baby stage forever. I most like will need to speak to someone about it. I do feel sad about it. If i truly analyse my motives for a third it is because I love under 5s, so really want to prolong this stage, also I don't want to go back to work more. I also am a little scared of being on my own if I am truthful, a third stops this worry (for a bit) I'd also like the baby-cuddling again! Although, all this passes far too quick and I'd have to be prepared to parent a whole-big child with all the ups and downs that go with it.

In saying that it is really lovely concentrating on the two that are in front of you and giving them your all.

However as a PP said...if things are really good now, why would a third make it any better? Maybe it is so good right now because it is right and it is perfect. I know it is like throwing the dice but there is no guarantee the third would increase happiness.

Big hugs.

Maybe you could do some couple counselling? To see where your husband is at any why he wouldn't want the reversal and the deeper reasons why you do want a third? Which of course could be as simple, as I want to be a family of 5, only you know.
Edited by blueskies12, 30 May 2019 - 07:39 PM.
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Paddlepop's Photo Paddlepop 30 May 2019

 Jenflea, on 30 May 2019 - 11:45 AM, said:

You can have a baby without him having a reversal but it's expensive and requires IVF which is not something I'd choose to do if I could avoid it.

As HR says, it doesn't sound like he wants another baby to me and you can't force him to A want one and B go through the procedure to extract the sperm to make one.

Like Jenflea has said, yes it's possible to have a baby without reversing the vasectomy. Your DH would need to go under anaesthetic and have the sperm removed from his testicles by the IVF doctor via a needle. You then need to do IVF. It would be expensive but it is possible.

However, if your DH doesn't want a third child then you'll need to make peace with that and enjoy your two children that you already have.
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Tania_85's Photo Tania_85 02 Jun 2019

Thankyou all! I had a miscarriage 18 months ago and it made me convinced I didn’t want a third it was super traumatic for me and hubby went and had the snip because he thought it was for the best he isn’t against having a third but we are still in the deciding stages, he has heard horror stories of the reversal being quite bad recovery wise and he didn’t recover well from the initial procedure hence why he is hesitant. He actually never went for he is follow up screen to ensure he was infertile because of his experience I guess that is what I should have asked in the first place if anyone’s other half has been through it and how they recovered.
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rosie28's Photo rosie28 02 Jun 2019

I obviously haven’t been through a reversal but I have been through IVF. I can almost guarantee a reversal will be easier, and it will certainly be cheaper. If he’s not keen I’d take that as a pretty strong hint he doesn’t really want a third.
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